I am a tiny bit mad that my Flack Jacket rarely saves me from RC cars…

Scotty and Charli of SweardownTV poke fun at the male obsession with the new Call of Duty. A must watch

Seriously what are the odds of this happening?

Chinese Guy discusses America, fat people, smelly people, black people, and the color of money.

David Spates shows and talks about Sandra bullock’s new adopted black baby.

I have no words for this!

Crazy: Girl Snitches On Herself Live On Radio! (Says She Set Up Her Baby Daddy To Give Him HIV) “Ill Get The Security Checks. He’s Better Off Dead”

The Black Widow goes up against his arch nemesis Captain Boss Boot.

First date nerves are getting to me, he looked really nice in his pictures and that voice! Omg…could make mother Theresa drop her draws with such spirituality even God would forgive her!!

Coat, keys, purse..should I, better just in case…mother said ‘always make sure you have clean knickers and enough money to get home’ .. sexy dress, all hair groomed and looking fabulous…fucking hell no lift..Kmt…puff puff fucking hell must stop smoking the herb it’s killing me….proceeded to knock on the door ( first mistake but we’ll come back to that). Door opens..hello I’m here to meet Javonta…Kmt exudes from the door way..old on!! Door closes…what te Rass you make gyal knock pun mr door as dis time aday…(it’s 7pm Uk summertime)…shouting..door slam…shadow walking towards front door…open…you kool yeah…give me two mins just gotta do something…now at this point I had been subjected to the local youths glaring, the old pissy White man breaking his neck from the balcony across the way to cop a look and the Vicky Pollards snaring cus I’m standing at the door of an alleged God!! …shovel..sigh..tut..door opens and out steps ‘Donwan’ smelling of ‘Animal lynx’,White Primark vest and crep leaning like Macey Gray on crack!!! Eyyy I think I’ve scored a real own goal here!!

So in I’m in my car and off for an supposed meal…pull up there…Where …there ..Oh! Nandos Lewisham retail park…Classy!!!

At some point you would think I would clock the pointlessness of this encounter however at this point being lost in an apparent retail jungle didn’t seem the ideal place to tell ‘the wannabes James Brown’ the only thing he’s eating tonight is Peri peri!!! We proceed to enter this forbidden first date hell hole and grab our plates, cutlery and bottle of sauce before sitting in the corner box seat, with the number 15 sprayed on some wooded chicken tail!! Ummm isn’t life fucking grand!!

Now in times like these I would normally reflect on the good in life, how the grass that seemed greener was somehow rather a dull shade of shit brown with yesterdays dog shit buzzing with green bottles!!! And then the chicken arrived…if you ever wanted to become celebrate, then this brother is the one to push you to that edge.. The chicken didn’t stand a chance,  it looked scared as it entered the black hole of Flava Flav and washed down with cheap coke held by greasy fingers!! I had realised my nightmare included ‘Freddy’s’ brother and no, his fingers were not his best asset. Rather still this guy was the wastage that my mum always talks about… She always told me ‘never sleep with the staff’ I understand her now!!….£29.65…sorry Dutch!! Ohh I didn’t know you were Swedish..ok ok don’t worry I’ll get it and you should really get a wallet, carrying your money in a 2p bag is not good!!

Bloody flipping hell it’s only 8:15 so what no…’so what you sayin what u wanna do now?’… Well seeing as you planned this extravgant night you decide…if looks could kill, I would be RIP! Ok Lets go… to yours.. then.. Err..well..look me nigga, you live two blocks away, come we go my yard…..sign….Oh is he having a Bbq…look…question…blank space!! Ohhhh you mean his house… I am bad!!! Driving fast…. please…ohhh please let the Police stop me I’m sure this brother has some pending warrants!

10th floor…oh shit bruv you got ur swipe card can’t get in..txt back…’still in lecture,just buzz next man to get in’ …ok bruv..laters….!! At this point I’m is thinking is it “murder if impulsive”…..and that’s when the
lights came on, coz as I enter his weed smelling, stale sex box room I  realises that ‘ mother nature is so beautiful, her timing is impeccable and is always a true friend…’ oh babes it’s only five days, don’t worry I’ll holla you soon’…..and on that note, she signs her name with sweet hearts,closes her diary and hopes tomorrow will be more productive..night beautiful xxxxx

By Dixie Jos