Sometimes I wonder if anyone at Cosmo has ever actually seen a man in person. Let alone had sex with one.

“Delete from facebook” has never been more appropriate advice.

Ladies, how many of the buttons on your top are open right now and what do you think it says about your relationship status?

He kind of seems like some kind of analyst/therapist.

There’s no use shutting our eyes to the fact that “sex appeal” – an attractive, well-developed figure with all it’s feminine allure – is a big contributing part to a girl’s happiness and success. And here’s a new easy treatment that has given thousands of scrawny girls 10 to 25 pounds of solid flesh, pleasing normal curves – in just a few weeks

“DAMN, girl you got a sexy chin! *grunt*”

Courting…

Who the fuck courts anymore?

Who even knows how to court anymore?

One of the lost arts of a lost generation I guess…

Courting, in its prime, was the shit…

The term courting goes back to yesteryear when man used to roll on horseback
and smoke signals was the internet.
According to the dictionary, courting is to ‘seek the affections of or to
perform actions in order to attract for mating.’

For me, back in the day when I was in my youthful prime, courting took on
many different forms and allowed boys and girls to be able to break the ice
and introduce each other to the real way they feel.
Courting in my day was being able to separate a girl from her friends and
talk to her enough that you may possibly get a phone number (house phone).
If you can get the house number, then its time for conversation. If you had
good game, your next step will be a date (probably Trocadero or the cinema)
and after that, if you were able to get some fingering then you had scored.

You courted that shit RIGHT!

Today, as a grown ass man, courting has taken a technological turn down the
road of hellfire and damnation. The drivers of this vehicle that are taking
courting down that road are MySpace, FaceBook, Twitter and BlackBerry
Messenger.
Fuck it, the Internet itself.

The world wide web did for courting what Jesus Juice did for Michael
Jackson… didn’t help the case.
Before the creation of sites such as BlackPlanet (REEEEH, remember BP?)
people used to talk to each other face-to-face because that was the only way
they could communicate. Now, people are having two year relationships with
people ONLINE who they have never met or even heard their voice.

How can you taste the nuance of a person if you can’t see them talking?
Where do you have the time to bathe in their essence when they want to say
your name and it sounds like a PING? Can you tell whether they will be a
good fuck just by looking at an avatar?!
NO!
(Well kinda… depends on the angle of the picture, lol)

And that’s what courting was for.

Today, man are pissed if the girl in question isn’t banging them by the
second date and women are coming round to the idea that just ANY man will
not do and needs to come correct.

(DISCLAIMER: Not all women think this way. Some of you have ya heads on
straight and know what you want, where you want it and when. But those
ladies who are just happy to have dick in their life, fix up! Want more for
yaself!)

The art has courting has been reduced to fibre optics and ringtones that
tell you that someone is talking to you.

But what about the simple pleasures like the first conversation?

Yeah technology today makes things easier to HAVE conversations but, you
first have to create a digital avatar of yourself to RESPRESENT you and
portray who you want to be, even if it isn’t you.

But with conversation… real, voice-to-voice,
‘I’m-not-even-thinking-about-my-phone-bill-cuz-I’m-so-into this’
conversation’, you are able to speak to the person.

Hear their voice.
Listen to their laugh.
The nuances of their personality.
Learn what makes them laugh.
Those double meanings in conversation (HIM: So when are we gonna do it? HER:
Excuse me?)

Courting is a science.
An act of trying to get from a friend (or worst, the friends zone) to
someone who knows how to make her come and blackout afterwards.
Courting was, and still is for those veterans of the game, a way to be able
to break the ice with a potential mate and learn things about them. Things
that, had you not known beforehand, might’ve pissed you off about them and
made you think twice about chatting to them.

That’s what youts today are missing out on.

The learning.

The build up.

The anticipation.

The day you take courting from innocent conversation to a sex conversation.

You guys are missing the best shit…

Trust me, pussy is 10 times better when:

A)    You had to work REALLY hard for it

B)    You got it as a result of your hard courting work…

C)    The courting game you put in actually worked.

Society today is now now NOW…fast fast fast… I wanna be rich and famous
without working for it, I wannabe a singer or actor NOW, I want sex straight
away, I wanna fuck a celebrity and become a celebrity in my own right, if
that person has it, I want it too…

But the fine art of courting is dying out and giving way to an easier,
quicker, achieving faster results style of courting which someone is using
right now to get some.

You probably know them or they are sending you messages right now. They’re
asking you for a picture or asking about something you do sexually. Or they
say good morning to you in the hope you will send them a message back and
the ‘digital courting’ session can begin.

Ya parents did it, ya grandparents did it, you may have even thought about
it… but there is no better sense of accomplishment when you can speak to
someone of the opposite sex and get their name, age, phone number, blog
address even or an email address just from the gift of your gab.

When… no IF… you get some as a result (cuz you may not have complete game)
then you will feel like you earned it, you deserve it and you can get ANYONE
in the world with your courting game if you wanted.

Jill Scott, watch out, I’m coming for you…

BLOG: http://mrohyes.wordpress.com
Twitter: MrOhYes
FaceBook: Mista Oh
Email: [email protected]

Author of the Little Black Book trilogy…

Little Black Book – OUT NOW
Little Black Book 2 – Feb 2011
Little Black Book 3 – Feb 2012

–
Twitter/Myspace: Mr Oh Yes
FaceBook: Little Black Book

http://www.youtube.com/user/YesMrOh

E-mail: misterohyes@
live.co.uk, yahoo.co.uk, googlemail.com

Little Black Book – OUT NOW

ISBN: 978-0-7552-1144-9

“Now Craig, you know what your problem is? You have no game!”

(Friday)

That scene in Friday made every man cringe. To hear your own mother tell you that your problem with the ladies is that you have no game is a fate worse than losing your house keys when you need to pee.

But maybe mama’s got a point. Because there are plenty of men out there who have no style and finesse when it comes to the initial ice breaker between men and women.

Some men shy away from it and are pissed off AFTER the pretty woman has passed them by. But there is a larger section of swagger-filled men who come up with the most audacious, insane, borderline disrespectful chat up lines which sound comedic at first until you realise that they’re being serious.

Be it cultural diifferences, your social status, or your confidence level, there are 101, and then some, ways to approach a woman successfully. They may not work on every woman but every situation and woman is different. And it’s up to you, sir, as the delivery man, to know when and where to use the appropriate manoeuvre to get the necessary, positive response you always hope for.

Plus you have to be strong enough as a man to take the rejection if it comes. Even if it hits like a Peggy Mitchell slap.

You cannot tell a man how to approach a woman, he has to figure out for himself.  Only he will know when its time to go from ashy to classy.

It’s impossible to tell a guy whose ice breaker sounds like ‘oi, come ere’ to stop using it, especially if it has semi worked for him in the past. You have to break it down for him so the next time he complains that all he attracts are hoodrats, he will see the need for adaptation.

Some of the the worst lines I’ve heard include:

“I’ve got Wimpy coupons.”

“I just wanna fuck you. Simple as.”

“Do you like jollof rice with or without peas?”

And the timeless classic, “Don’t I know you from somewhere? I swear I know you.”

Men make approaching women difficult due to their own approach. After having a bag of poor representations in their boat race, women build their own defences so any more dregs won’t get through.

Don’t you think that some women have become as cold as they are when being approached because of the shit they’ve had to endure in the past?

Approaching women isn’t just about the woman, its more about you. What you want, what attracted you to her, what type of woman do you think she is, etc.

Never discount the fine art of conversation. Not only is it a useful tool in order to break the ice, it can be more erotic than watching porn. (Apparently)

With a woman, always pay attention. If you’re wondering how to pay attention to a woman who has just crossed your line of sight, here’s a few hints:

* check her demeanour, her walk, her face – all three will give you clues about whether or not your lyrics will stand a chance. Screw face ladies are 50-50 because their faces could naturally be that way. It’s possible that your approach could be the smile she needed for the day. And that’s always a good start.

* eye contact – if you walk past her and you sweat there was POSITIVE eye contact, you’d be forgiven for going for it. Remember, not all eye contact is positive and plenty fellas have failed over false eye contact.

* be confident – a woman will respond more positively to a man who is self-assured in his own skin and believes in what he is saying.

* fashion touch – don’t be scared to say something about what she is wearing. A compliment about a pair of shoes can lead onto, where she got them from, which leads onto the area the shop is in and what shopping is like up there and before you know it, you’re talking.

It is true that women are complex creatures. Some say its man that make them complex. That’s a NEXT argument, but as complex as women can be, they’re equally simple to adapt to. And armed with confidence, home training and the art of conversation, any man can try.

You may hit, you may miss, but at least your doing it.

Who knows, you may have a new BB pin as a result.

Mr Oh

–
Twitter/Myspace: Mr Oh Yes
FaceBook: Little Black Book

http://www.youtube.com/user/YesMrOh

E-mail: misterohyes@
live.co.uk, yahoo.co.uk, googlemail.com

Little Black Book – OUT NOW

ISBN: 978-0-7552-1144-9

Authorsonline

tescobooks

whsmith

Play.com
amazon

“Just so you know, with us, it’s never off the table!” (Rachel Greene, Friends)

And that’s the cardinal rule to a Friend With Benefits! Not referring to the literal interpretation of the term ‘friend with benefits’, this is about a DIFFERENT kinda friend with a DIFFERENT kinda benefits.
Picture this: it’s saturday night, single you is sitting at home, not clubbing, friends are all busy, no partner on their way home with chinese food and a spliff, pay day’s a few weeks away so your broke and you just want to feel GOOD.
You don’t want to have the conversation about ‘what this could do to the friendship’ or how sex could change things, you just want to fuck.
Simple.

Who you gonna call?
Friend With Benefits!
HOLLA!

They don’t live far, they know what it is and they have the ability to really scratch the itch creeping up your spine. And that’s why you called.
There are three main friends with benefits, though they are interchangable.
They are: Close Friend, Do Me Quick Friend and Pact Friend.
All three are more than useful for their purpose and are more than capable of giving you the Ohgasm you so desperately needed.

Close Friend

This man or woman has been in your life for a number of years. They know you from the mole on your ankle to the secret sex scar you hide. Through break-ups and bad dates, this friend has always been at the end of the phone, ready to hear your voice, and not asking for much in return.
With a Close Friend, you never really discuss the prospect of moving you friendship into THAT space, it usually just… Happens.
Somewhere in London, this weekend, there’s going to be a person who calls their Close Friend because, for the longest time, they’ve been looking at them KINDA differently.
During the last DVD night, you may have thought there was something in the air but you ignored it.
You are fully aware that a relationship with Close Friend may not be on the cards, but you also know that if the idea for one night is on the table, they wouldn’t say no.
Close Friends usually strike during DVD night. Sexy films turn them on, action films cause them to cuddle up, romantic films are easy set-ups and boring films are easy distractions to suddenly find a Friend’s hand where it shouldn’t be. Or in this case should be.
Close Friends are good itch scratchers because they know what you want because you spend your friendship TELLING them what you want. The dangerous side to a Close Friend is that they are the best of all Friends. The little things about them that you find attractive may come to the surface and you soon find yourself having the conversation where someone says, “I just can’t stop thinking about that night.”
Tread lightly, set the rules and try not to pine.

Do Me Quick Friend

Not called Do Me Quick because they ‘arrive’ before the race begins.
This is the more random of the Friends. You’ve known them for months, maybe years, possibly went out back in the day, could be a friend’s cousin, best friend’s ex boyfriend’s friend or just someone from the ‘ends’.
The DMQ Friend is always there for conversation, even though you don’t speak to them that often. They more sort of pop up in your life every now and then. Between the two of you, there has always been that ‘vibe’ bubbling beneath the surface. They may have certain attributes of the Close Friend in being able to call them at the drop of a pair of Frenchies… And they know how to make you do the things you may have said you’d never do.
The DMQ Friend is usually gone with the wind afterwards and you may not hear from them for a cool hot minute but you can damn well ensure that they’ll be popping up again, talking all suggestive and shit, just to see “what’s up with you?”

Pact friend

The creme de la creme of all Friends. This is the person who is ALWAYS known as ‘Plan B’.
Available to come round at all times, delivers memorable, Hall Of Fame feats between the sheets almost every time and has you thinking, “hope you can you hear me you moany bastard next door!”
The Pact Friend shares Close Friend’s knowledge of you and your life, giving them the information to do you right. But they also share Do Me Quick Friend’s ability to drop in and out of your life.
But when they drop in, BWOI, do they make an impact!
Your Pact Friend has travelled on your SIM card through multiple phone changes and has never stopped crossing your mind. Even if you lie to yourself and don’t admit it. Everytime you get close to them, you feel something more but you know there’s something ‘flighty’ about them and settling down doesn’t seem like their cup of tea.
But that doesn’t stop them popping up in a text message, random phone call or the cream cake section in Tesco.
The relationship with a Pact Friend is different than the other two Friends because it is well and truly NEVER off the table!
As if you made an unwritten, once mentioned pact that if you were both single, it was H-Town time.
Sometimes they pop up while your in a relationship but the understanding you two have tells them that they know if they call back in a few months and you’re single, then it can be on like popcorn.
No question, straight invitation.
Especially if the last partner was not to you’re liking, or worse, didn’t give head.
But Pact Friend does you right. Male or female, day or night, they deliver that package!
Have you singing Jill Scott’s Crown Royal before an Ohgasm-induced coma knocks you out.

All three Friends With Benefits are well versed in the song called: your Ohgasm. And you got in touch because you wanted them to sing for you.
Could be one of those times when the single scene is looking so bad, your thinking of ‘switching teams’. (More ladies than fellas on that one, lol.)

So look after your friends, don’t just ‘silent’ your phone when you see them calling because they could be tomorrow’s Friend With Benefits.
If you were in a relationship then they would just be a friend but not everyone is, nor do some people want to be in a relationship.
Some are fine having a few Friends With Benefits to hook them up when they need a fix.

Whichever Friend you choose to call in order to get that Ohgasm, make sure you come really really hard. Otherwise, you’ll be pissed off afterwards.
Mr Oh

–
Twitter/Myspace: Mr Oh Yes
FaceBook: Little Black Book

http://www.youtube.com/user/YesMrOh

E-mail: misterohyes@
live.co.uk, yahoo.co.uk, googlemail.com

Little Black Book – OUT NOW

ISBN: 978-0-7552-1144-9

Authorsonline

tescobooks

whsmith

Play.com
amazon

Today on Real Talk we talk about the “Eating Pussy” phobia that most men have. Sorry ladies but believe it or not…it only takes one bad experience for a man to be turned off by a trip down south.