TITLE: The Incredible Shrinking Artwork
SCAMMER NAME: John Boko
SCAMMER LOCATION: Abidjan, Cote d’Ivoire
SCAMBAITER: Shiver Metimbers

A slightly different twist on my now familiar artwork anti-scam. I manage to secure two pieces of artwork, but unfortunately due to the temperature and humidity fluctuations between here and West Africa, as well as rogue rodents, there are problems.

John Boko is a 419 scammer. Initially he sent out a standard 419 scam email under a different name. I gave him my standard Derek Trotter reply:

Thank you very much for your very interesting email, however I am afraid that I will be unable to help you at this time. These next three months are by far the busiest and most profitable period for my company and I cannot give any time to anything other than finding new artwork for our galleries especially wooden carvings.

You may already know of me since it was you that contacted me. My name is Derek Trotter and I am the director of Derek Trotter Fine Arts & Artist Scholarships. We are dealers in fine art and ethnic art from all over the world. We run eight art galleries and two scholarship centres here in the UK. We also offer scholarship donations to aid up and coming new artists who may otherwise not have the financial means to be able to produce or improve upon their work. Our scholarship payments range from between $25,000 and $150,000 depending on the potential of the artist.

I am sorry but I am unable to enter into your business proposition at this time, however if you have any contacts in your part of the world who may be artists that you think may benefit from our financial help then I would be very interested to be put in touch with them. We are especially very keen on promoting new artists with experience in wood carving and will be happy to offer a very generous $25,000 to $150,000 scholarship package to young or old artists with good potential who may benefit from our help.

If you know of an artist who could benefit from our financial help and who would be prepared to produce work for us to sell or promote then please do let me know.

Again I am sorry that I am unable to help with your proposition at this time but I wish you luck in finding somebody to help you.

Sincerely,

Derek Trotter
Director
Trotters Fine Arts

Boko never responded to that email, instead he waited a few days and got back to me under his new name, and strangely enough knew all about my company even though we don’t advertise anywhere!:

From: John Boko
To: Derek Trotter
Date: March 3, 2006
Subject: Special appeal

Sir,

I wish to write you this message after going through your company profile in the internet. I am a graphic designer and I am currently working with a group of four young men who are artistic and talented in art work.

After going through your web, I decided to write to know if your company could be helpful in the develoment of our career in art work design.

We are currently working as a team in a small village in Abidjan Ivory Coast, West Africa. At your demand, we shall be obliged to send to you some copies of our work.

Thanks and best regard
Mr John

So I make out I don’t have a clue who he his and reply as usual:

From: Derek Trotter
To: John Boko
Date: March 5, 2006

Dear Mr. Boko,

Thank you for your email.

Please note that we are not looking for work that has already been completed. If you require a donations/scholarship payment then you need to create a new piece of work to submit to us.

Before we proceed, let me introduce myself and tell you about my company. You may already have this information but I shall repeat it to you just in case not:

My name is Derek Trotter and I am the director of Trotter Fine Arts Dealer and Art Scholarships. We are dealers in fine art and ethnic art from all over the world and we supply many business and private customers we are a multimillion dollar company. We also offer scholarship donations to aid up and coming new artists who may otherwise not have the financial means to be able to produce or improve their work. Our scholarship payments range from between $25,000 and $150,000 depending on the potential of the artist.

The way our programme works is that we seek out new or up and coming artists all over the world who may not otherwise be financially able to promote or sell their work and then we help them to realise their full potential. We aid them by presenting them with a scholarship payment ranging from $25,000 to $150,000 which again is entirely dependent on their potential, but the minimum payment we award any artist willing to supply work for us is $25,000. Presently we are seeking artists who specialise in wooden sculptures.

HOW OUR DONATION/SCHOLARSHIP PROCEDURE WORKS:

1. Before we could make any kind of monetary payment to any artist we would of course require proof of your abilities. We do not ask artists to send in prepared samples of their work because of course there is no way for our foundation to know if the carving is indeed the artists own work, therefore we would require you to provide a brand new sample for us to evaluate your abilities.

2. My company will submit to you (by email attachment) a sample photograph or photographs. This may be of a person, a animal, a building or other such item. You would then be required to carve a representation of the image we send to you. Once your have completed the work it is to be sent to us for evaluation and then a donation amount would be awarded according to your skill or potential. Our donation payments range from between a minimum of $25,000 up to $150,000.

3. On receipt of a satisfactory piece of artwork my four board members will then gauge the quality and therefore the size of the donation/scholarship amount to send to you. The payment is sent by whatever means suits you best and is made within 24 hours of receiving your work.

IMPORTANT: The artwork will have to be shipped to us for evaluation. Please note that no payments whatsoever can be given in advance of receiving the artwork. It is very important that you understand this completely. Your shipping charges WILL be refunded in full however they will only be refunded once we receive the sample.

I hope that is clear to you, and if you are in agreement to the terms above please let me know as soon as possible and I will arrange for a sample picture to be sent to you by email attachment.

Kind regards,

Derek Trotter – Director
Trotters Fine Arts

From: John Boko
To: Derek Trotter
Date: March 7, 2006
Subject: Special appeal

Thank very much for your prompt reply and explanations. Actually, I will like to work with your company if you must remain faithful to your bond and I promise that I will give out my best as well.

I will be looking forward to receive the sample.

thanks and best regard.

John

From: Derek Trotter
To: John Boko
Date: March 7, 2006

Dear Mr. John,

Instructions for your or your artist can be found below. Please let me know if you have any questions.

INSTRUCTIONS FOR ARTISTS:

As mentioned on my previous email to you, before we can send you the donation/scholarship payment, you will have to submit a piece of work to our requirements. This serves to ensure the work is indeed your own artists work, and also so that we can gauge the quality of your artists workmanship.

Please find attached to this email the sample images. We have taken great care to photograph the sample images from various angles so that your artist can see the sample from ever possible angle and know exactly the layout of the object, which in this case is a dog and a cat sitting on chair. The artist will be required to make a carving of this piece in the wood of his/her choice. The sample we send has been specially selected to show off various skills. Please note the following rules:

1. The carving can be any size you choose but must be a MINIMUM of 10 inches along the longest length. Obviously you will need to take into consideration the weight of the carving so that the shipping cost is not to great for you, however, remember that we will of course reimburse your shipping costs in full on receipt of the artwork. As an example to you, the normal LENGTH of this particular carving along the longest length is 14 inches. You may make your bigger or smaller but no bigger than 20 inches along the longest length.

2. The carving can be in any type of wood that you choose, and must NOT be painted. Obviously the quality of the wood, and if possible a polished smooth finish will increase the chances of your donation payment being larger. Hard woods such as ebony, mahogany, walnut or cherry would be preferable woods to use however we are happy to leave the choice of wood up to your artists.

Attention to detail is important and will help my board members to judge the skill of the artists. You will see that the attached picture has many small details. Try to capture as much detail as possible.

NOTE: An exact duplicate of the sample is not required as we are presently uncertain of your skills, however the closer your work is to the supplied sample then the higher the donation payment is likely to be. We realise of course that to exactly duplicate the carving would take an artist of exceptional skill, so we do not expect the carving to be of such detail and quality, however the closer to the original artwork that your artist can reproduce the sample in wood, the larger the donation amount will be.

Please bear in mind that the artwork will have to be shipped to us for inspection before the donation payment is given, so obviously you must take into consideration the weight of the artwork so that the shipping cost is not too high for you.

You will need to ship the completed sample to us by a courier such as FedEx or DHL. All your shipping fees will be refunded in full but your fees will only be refunded AFTER we receive the completed sample. It is not our company policy to pay for work that we have not yet received.

On receipt of satisfactory artwork we will then judge the skill level of the artist submission and will reward you with a monetary donation depending on the quality of your work As mentioned previously, the minimum donation amount per artist is $25,000 but this can rise up to $150,000 per artist. Note that my board member will usually pay higher amounts for carvings which have obviously taken great skill and time to produce. Donation payment are usually given within 24 hours of us receiving the sample artwork.

Should your artists be some skill we would then like to make arrangements to have some more work produced by you after we have received your sample. If this is the case we will of course pay your full fees in advance. As a guideline for good quality carvings we tend to pay between $8,000 – $15,000 per item, so as you can see if your work is of sufficient quality you could benefit greatly from our partnership.

I hope that is of help to you and I look forward to hearing from you soon. If you have any further questions please do not hesitate to ask. Please note that once you receive this email and agree to our terms your artist must have his carving ready to submit to us within 4 weeks.

Also, please let me know when you expect to have the artwork ready for shipping. In the meantime, please can you tell me what your preferred method of payment is?

Kind regards,

Derek Trotter – Director
Trotters Fine Arts

I attach 10 sample pictures of the item I want carving. Three small example images are below though the pictures I sent to Boko were very large and detailed.

UK readers will probably recognise the pictures as the animals from the UK TV series “Creature Comforts“. Meet Trixie and Captain Cuddlepuss. I’m sure you can work out which is which! This particular piece is from my personal collection of Creature Comforts collectibles 

From: John Boko
To: Derek Trotter
Date: March 7, 2006
Subject: Re: Special appeal

Thank for your quick reply.

I have only but one questions after going through the sample you gave to me. Could the items on top of the chair be attached to it when doing the calving or could they be separated from the chair? Can they be calved saperately?

Thanks

John

From: Derek Trotter
To: John Boko
Date: March 7, 2006

Dear Mr. John,

Thank you for your email and for checking with me. I see that you are very thorough with your work, this is most encouraging.

The cat, dog and chair can be carved separately if you so wish.

Kind regards,

Derek Trotter – Director
Trotters Fine Arts

10 days go by without any contact. John then gets in touch.

From: John Boko
To: Derek Trotter
Date: March 17, 2006
Subject: Re: Special appeal

Sir,

I will like to know the shipping address for my sample.

Best regard.

John

I give John the details of my non-existent secretary’s address.

From: Derek Trotter
To: John Boko
Date: March 17, 2006

Dear John,

As you have requested, the address of our head office is below.

Please mark the package for the attention of my secretary Miss. Paula Jervis. I am usually out of the office most of the say so Miss Jervis will advise me the moment your package arrives to that I can see to your case immediately. Note that we have several different departments in our building so it is very important that you address the shipment exactly as below:

Miss Paula Jervis
D.T.F.A.
16 xxxxx Street
xxxx
xxxxxxxx
xxx xxxx
England
United Kingdom

Please advise me of the tracking number and carrier so that I will know when to expect the delivery of the package. Payments usually require 24 hours notice to process, however if I am aware of the probably date of arrival I can ensure that your particular payment is processed as soon as possible.

VERY IMPORTANT: Mark the item value as US $20 and also as a gift because if not the import tax may be very substantial in which case we will be unable to collect the package.

Please do take great care in packaging the item. In the past we have had items delivered to us that have been damaged due to poor packaging. We are unable to accept damaged goods.

If possible please forward us a photograph of the sample before you ship it. This is not important, but if you send us a picture before you ship it then it will help my board members prepare more efficiently for your donation/scholarship payment.

Sincerely,

Derek Trotter – Director
Trotters Fine Arts

Good news. The package is on the way.

From: John Boko
To: Derek Trotter
Date: March 21, 2006
Subject: Re: Special appeal

Sir,

I have been able to package and send the sample today by FedEx with tracking 8564746XXXXX

I was told by fedex agent here that it ought to arrive by wednesday. They also said that the tracking will start functioning when the package has arrived on transit in France. So I believed it will start tracking before the end of today otherwise the number is ok.

I attached a photo of the sample for your view.

John

John attaches a photo of the carving. Looks promising:

From: Derek Trotter
To: John Boko
Date: March 20, 2006

Dear John,

Thank you for your email. I shall check the details later this evening on the Federal Express site. Thank you also for sending the photograph. The piece does look very nice.

Please can you send me the following information so that we can start the process of getting any payment ready?:

1. Full name and address of the person that the payment is to be made to
2. The type of payment you require (bank transfer, check, Western Union etc.).

Thank you for your work so far.

Sincerely,

Derek Trotter – Director
Trotters Fine Arts

From: John Boko
To: Derek Trotter
Date: March 21, 2006
Subject: Re: Special appeal

sir,

Thank very much for your quick reply as well. I am sory that the picture does not appear very well it is poor photographic production. As you can see, here in Africa, it is rare to get a photographer with sophiscated camera. Haa!! haa!! africa is still too behind compare to your technology over there.

Meanwhile, I will prefer to receive my payment through western union money transfer in the name of

Mr John Boko
Abidjan Cote d’Ivoire

Thanks and best regard

I’ll leave John hanging on for a reply.

From: John Boko
To: Derek Trotter
Date: March 23, 2006
Subject: Re: Special appeal

Dear sir,

How are you today? I hope you are alright? I’m worried why the sudden silence since yesterday. Please let me know if you are alright if so has the package arrived to you? Please send me your phone numer.

Wishing for urgent reply.

John

From: Derek Trotter
To: John Boko
Date: March 24, 2006

Dear John,

I did send you a message yesterday but it appears that you did not receive it.

Anyway, the package was delayed at customs yesterday so I did not receive it. I have checked the FedEx site today and it now seems that it will be delivered at my location sometime today.

At the moment I am helping with some aerial photographs at Blackpool Tower and shall not return to my office until later this afternoon. My secretary will alert me the moment that your package arrives and then I shall contact you ASAP.

Sincerely,

Derek Trotter – Director
Trotters Fine Arts

The package arrives, but there’s a problem – well, a problem for John that is!

From: Derek Trotter
To: John Boko
Date: March 25, 2006

Dear John,

I think you must be having a problem with your email.

I sent an email to you yesterday to explain in full the problems but you do not seem to have been receiving my messages. It may help if you can supply me with a more reliable email address to contact you on for faster and more secure communications.

Here is the problem.

You will recall in my email to you of 7th March that the MINIMUM length for the carving must be 10 inches along the longest length. I quote for the instructions:

1. The carving can be any size you choose but must be a MINIMUM of 10 inches along the longest length. Obviously you will need to take into consideration the weight of the carving so that the shipping cost is not to great for you, however, remember that we will of course reimburse your shipping costs in full on receipt of the artwork. As an example to you, the normal LENGTH of this particular carving along the longest length is 14 inches. You may make your bigger or smaller but no bigger than 20 inches along the longest length.

When the carving arrived there seemed to be a small amount of damage, however this is not the problem. During the shipping process something must have happened to the wood (perhaps the temperature changes?) because when the carving arrived and I inspected it, the length of the carving is very small, at only five inches along the longest length. This is half the minimum site as stated to you on 7th March.

The strange thing is that the box you shipped the carving in seems to be much bigger than the carving inside, which leads me to think that there has been some kind of shrinkage due to either the temperature changes or a combination of this and the type of week used.

I will of course be most happy to supply you with photographs of the carving to show you exactly what I mean.

I do not know if the board members will be prepared to accept this however I cannot tell you for certain now until Monday morning (we do not work over the weekends obviously).

Please let me know if you need any photographs and also let me know if you have some explanation for what may have happened.

Sincerely,

Derek Trotter – Director
Trotters Fine Arts
www.deltrotter.co.uk

Of course the carving didn’t shrink at all. It arrived in perfect condition, but John doesn’t know that:

From: John Boko
To: Derek Trotter
Date: March 25, 2006
Subject: Re: Special appeal

I will wait till Monday.

Bye

John

Monday arrives…. And passes without my reply. Now it’s Wednesday.

From: John Boko
To: Derek Trotter
Date: March 29, 2006
Subject: Re: Special appeal

Sir,

I hope all is well with you. I am still waiting to hear from you as you promised in your last email. Do I have any hope as a consideration.

John

From: Derek Trotter
To: John Boko
Date: March 30, 2006

Dear John,

I have attached photographs of the carving as it arrived with us. I am sorry but the board members will not accept such a small sample. As you can see, the item is less than half the minimum size. The submissions rules are extremely strict and we cannot change them to suit any individual person as we have to operate under strict guidelines as a UK registered scholarship centre.

You have two choices. Please let me know which of the two you want:

1. We can return this item back to you and once you have confirmed receipt of it we can refund your shipping.

2. Your artist can submit a new sample which meets the size guidelines.

I must tell you that had this item been of the required size then you artist would most definitely have been eligible for a donation payment. It is obvious that he has good skills but unfortunately there is nothing I can do unless the submission rules are observed.

If you artists wished to resubmit some work in the correct size then do let me know. He would have to submit a different carving though so if he wishes to resubmit then do let me know so that I can forward you some new images.

As for my contact telephone number I can be reached on (UK) +44 8707 65X XXX

Sincerely,

Derek Trotter – Director
Trotters Fine Arts

I attach three photos showing the “shrinkage”. Of course, the carving is fine but the images are fake. With a bit of photo manipulation I reduced the apparent size of the carvings by about three inches in length:

Looks like John is going to submit a new sample. Cool!

From: John Boko
To: Derek Trotter
Date: March 30, 2006
Subject: Re: Special appeal

Sir,

The sample instruction was misunderstood before my calving. It was after the shipment that I discoverred that the instruction reads inches while I had my measurement in cm.

However, I wish that you will still have some considerations while proper care will be taken in further edition.

I’m glad to read your message. I will prefer taking another chance. If you can send me another sample, then I will do my best to give you the required calving.
I will call you later while I expect the new sample.

Thanks and God bless

John

I send more sample images to John to work from. I’m a big fan of the Commodore 64 computer, so lets see if John can make me one!

From: Derek Trotter
To: John Boko
Date: March 30, 2006

Dear John,

Thank you for your telephone call a short while ago.

I have just had discussions with my art department and they have decided to, send a more technical sample for your artists. It is quite obvious even from the small carving that your artist has some very good skills so they would like to test him on a more technical type of carving, in this case reproducing as much as possible a computer keyboard in wood..

We are holding a new art exhibition which were are planning in the middle of this year. The exhibition theme is “New From Old”. Basically it is a representation of new technology created by old methods, so for instance we are looking for artists capable of carving or sculpting copies of modern technology, such as computer keyboards, computer mice, mobile phones etc. Judging by your artists previous work we are quite sure that he would be of sufficient skill to reproduce such work for us.

I shall repeat the previous instructions for you again John, but this time with a few small changes. Please note that all dimensions are in INCHES:

INSTRUCTIONS FOR ARTISTS:

Please find attached to this email the sample images. In this case they are photos of a computer/keyboard. You may recognise this machine as the Commodore 64 computer. This is what we require you to carve as a sample of your work, We have taken great care to photograph the sample from various angles so that you know exactly the layout of the object. The artist will be required to make a carving of this piece in the wood of his/her choice. The sample we send has been specially selected to show off various skills. Please note the following rules:

1. The carving can be any size you choose however the MINIMUM size must be 10 inches along the longest length. Obviously you will need to take into consideration the weight of the carving so that the shipping cost is not to great for you, however, remember that we will of course reimburse your shipping costs in full on receipt of the artwork. For your information, the real LENGTH of this object is 18 inches, the DEPTH is 8 inches, and the HEIGHT at the highest point is 3 inches.

2. Again the carving can be in any type of wood that you choose, and must NOT be painted. Obviously the quality of the wood, and if possible a polished smooth finish will increase the chances of your donation payment being larger. We recommend a quality hardwood such as rosewood or similar, but of course we will leave the choice entirely to you.

3. Notice that there are letters on TOP the keys of the keyboard as is normal. If possible we would like you to include these letters on the carving sample, however the letters must be carved into the wood, not drawn/pained. You may completely ignore the other symbols that appear near the front edge of the keys however. If you need a clearer explanation of this please do contact me either by telephone or email for clarity.

NOTE: As before an exact duplicate of the sample is not required, however the closer your work is to the supplied sample then the higher the donation payment is likely to be. We realise of course that to exactly duplicate the carving would take an artist of exceptional skill, so we do not expect the carving to be of such detail and quality, however the closer to the original artwork that your artist can reproduce the sample in wood, the larger the donation amount will be.

Please do contact me immediately if any of the above information is unclear to you.

Sincerely,

Derek Trotter – Director
Trotters Fine Arts

I send John a dozen very high resolution pictures of a C64 taken from various angles. A selection of much smaller versions are below:

From: John Boko
To: Derek Trotter
Date: April 1, 2006
Subject: Re: Special appeal

Sir,

I want to tell you that the work is in progress and immediately it is finished, I will alert you.

Wishing you happy weekend.

John

I don’t bother to reply and decide to let John get on with the work. A week later I get the expected, “give me some cash” message.

From: John Boko
To: Derek Trotter
Date: April 8, 2006
Subject: Re: Special appeal

Sir,

Thanks for your letter. The work is almost finishing. I expect to ship it before wednesday next week.

If you wouldn’t mind, I am presently in poor financial state as this sample will cost me higher amount due to the size this time around. as you suggested before this second sample to either send me the shipping cost of the first sample and to return of it to me, i will appreciate if you can send me the money so as to help me in shipping this new sample. I don’t think sending the sample to me will be of any use, rather if you can calculate the cost of sending it with the shipment expenses which I spent about $150 and send it to me through western union in the name of John Boko. It will help me a long well in shipping the new sample to your office.

I will appreciate your kind understanding in this regard.

Thanks and best wishes.

John

Time to frighten John into thinking he may have pushed his luck too far.

From: Derek Trotter
To: John Boko
Date: April 8, 2006

Dear John,

Two things:

1. The shipping charge would not be anywhere near $150. The last item you shipped cost less than $50 according to the Federal Express receipt I have, so where you are getting the $150 price from I do not know. Even if the second sample was three times the weight of the first sample then the shipping charge would be approximately $72. I have sent and received many many items (approximately 200+ a year) by Federal Express all over the world, so I am well aware of what the shipping charges are likely to be.

2. Again I must repeat that we do not send any money in advance of receiving a correct sample.

I am sorry John, but as you appear not to be able to send the new sample I will have to close your donation case. I shall make arrangement to have your first sample returned to you by Federal Express on Monday morning.

Please inform your artist to cease all work on the second sample.

Sincerely,
Derek Trotter – Director
Trotters Fine Arts

As expected, John quickly changes his tune at the prospect of losing thousands of dollars.

From: John Boko
To: Derek Trotter
Date: April 8, 2006
Subject: Re: Special appeal

Sir,

I read your message and understand that you sound bad about my request. I want to tell you here that I was charged about 56000 cfa while $100 is about 45000 cfa. I can scan the receipt to you if you wish to see it. so I did not in anyway lie to you but I asked for only a favour. remember according to your instruction before I shipped the item, the worth of the good is understimated to be $10 which i know you did not base your estimation on that.

I never wished that you will sound so aggressive on this request. Nevertheless I will send the package as early promised unless you do not desire that the relationship continues.

John

That’s more like it John.

A couple of days later, John lets me know the second sample is nearly ready for shipping.

From: John Boko
To: Derek Trotter
Date: April 10, 2006
Subject: Re: Special appeal

Sir,

I will update you asap. I never meant to delay it but due to several other works we are doing for our customers, that was why it was delayed up to this 11 days. The finishing touches is going on and by the grace of God I will send it tomorrow.

Thanks and God bless

John

From: Derek Trotter
To: John Boko
Date: April 10, 2006

Dear John,

Thank you for keeping me updated.

If possible, are you able to let me know the dimensions of the carving? A photograph before you ship it would be appreciated however this is not too important.

Sincerely,

Derek Trotter – Director
Trotters Fine Arts

John contacts me to let me know the carving is ready to ship.

From: John Boko
To: Derek Trotter
Date: April 11, 2006
Subject: Re: Special appeal

Sir,

I have completed the sample but was unable to ship it today due to public holidays here. I don’t know if it effected London too. I have attached a scan photo of the sample from three different views.

I will make sure it is sent by tomorrow and by the Grace of God it will reach you before Friday.

Thanks and best regard.

John

The photos look promising, though as an aficionado of the Commodore 64 I am slightly disappointed that the function keys are the same size as the normal keys!

From: Derek Trotter
To: John Boko
Date: April 12, 2006

Dear John,

Thank you for sending me the image. The carving looks very impressive and I am sure the board members will be pleased with the result. I am sorry I was not able to speak with you on Tuesday as myself any my colleagues were at a art exhibition and did not return to the office at all until today.

Thank you for all your efforts so far and I will of course contact you immediately that the sample arrives.

Sincerely,

Derek Trotter – Director
Trotters Fine Arts

John sends me the tracking details.

From: John Boko
To: Derek Trotter
Date: April 14, 2006
Subject: Re: Special appeal

Sir,

this is the tracking number:85647474XXXX

Please try and let me know when you get it as promised.

regards

John

A quick check on the Federal Express site reveals the package is indeed on its way and comes in at an impressive 6 Kilos!

The package arrives. There was a slight delay due to the UK Bank Holiday, but at least it arrived undamaged. John must have checked the FedEx site to see if it had arrived as I receive the following email from him at the same time.

From: John Boko
To: Derek Trotter
Date: April 18, 2006
Subject: Re: Special appeal

Sir

How are you today? I hope you had a nice easter holidays.

Please I want to find out if you have received the sample. From the tracking information, it is ready for clearance.

Pls update me when it is through.

Regard

John

And here’s some photos of the carving I received:

(Click to open large image)

The carving weighs just under 6 kilos and is larger than a real Commodore 64. It’s a big beast! Total shipping cost came to UK £121

Time to let john know the package has arrived so that he can start to make plans for what he is going to spend his money on.

From: Derek Trotter
To: John Boko
Date: April 19, 2006

Dear John,

Just to let you know that I have no taken possession of the package which you sent to me and I will be examining it later today along with my board members. I shall be in touch with you very shortly.

Sincerely,

Derek Trotter – Director
Trotters Fine Arts

From: John Boko
To: Derek Trotter
Date: April 20, 2006
Subject: Re: Special appeal

Sir,

How are you today? Hope there is no problem. My effort to reach you on phone was not successful uptil now. Pls update me on the statue.

Regards

John

I do not bother to reply.

Derek is away on business, so his brother takes over the case.

From: Rodney Trotter
To: John Boko
Date: April 20, 2006

Dear Mr, Boko,

My name is Rodney Trotter and I am the brother of Derek Trotter. I am also the head of sales for our company.

My brother is unfortunately unavailable at the moment as he is attending an art exhibition in Blackpool, Germany and will not return until the end of next week. My apologies if you have tried to contact him and received no reply. His attendance was needed at very short notice. I have been given charge of your application.

I am just letting you know that the board members are currently examining your work and I hope to be able to report back to you later today.

Yours faithfully,

Rodney Trotter – Sales
Trotters Fine Art

From: John Boko
To: Derek Trotter
Date: April 20, 2006
Subject: Re: Introduction

Dear Mr Rodney,

I’m pleased over your message of introduction and update. Actually, I have tried several times without success to reach Mr Derek; both on phone and email.
Nevertheless, I’m glad to hear that your company is in the process of examining my sample. I hope for better and favourable report.

Thanks and best regard as I wish that you will keep me updated until the return of your brother.

Best Regard

John

From: Rodney Trotter
To: John Boko
Date: April 21, 2006

Dear Mr. Boko,

Thank you for your reply yesterday. I am sorry for the slight delay in my reply however I have been trying to investigate the latest “problem” with your submission and I had to make a few calls.

It appears that your package was infiltrated by a rodent, more accurately a hamster. We have provisionally named it ‘Bert’. Unfortunately Bert must have been caught inside the packaging during shipping somewhere between your location and our head office. Initial veterinary reports point to Bert being an African hamster, so I can only assume that Bert chewed his way into the packaging shortly after you posted it.

I am afraid Bert has badly damaged the carving as can be seen in the attached photographs. Bert has gnawed a hole all the way through the carving as well as creating many smaller holes around the piece.

Before my brother left for the Blackpool exhibition he and I managed to capture Bert so that we could take it to the vets to have it examined to try to find out exactly where he came from.

To my shame I have to admit that I was extremely disappointed and indeed angry with Bert for the damage that he caused to your impressive work, and as you can see I was ready to shoot him, however my brother is a very active animal rights campaigner and would not allow it. He made me promise to take Bert to out local hamster sanctuary which is indeed what I have done.

Under normal circumstances items which arrive damaged are usually disqualified by us, but under these exceptional circumstances the board members have decided to try to come to some agreement on a donation payment as soon as possible. I shall contact you again hopefully later today to let you know the outcome of this meeting.

Sincerely,

Rodney Trotter – Sales
Trotters Fine Art

I attach photos of Bert and the damage he has caused. The damage is of course faked. No Commodore 64 computer was harmed during this scambait:

A short and sweet reply from John.

From: John Boko
To: Derek Trotter
Date: April 21, 2006
Subject: ok

OK!

And later after no reply from Rodney Trotter:

From: John Boko
To: Derek Trotter
Date: April 22, 2006
Subject: Re: ok

Sir,

Still waiting

John

And again:

From: John Boko
To: Derek Trotter
Date: April 23, 2006
Subject: Re: ok

Till date no more comment.

John

Time for some bad news I think.

From: DCI Roy Slater – UK Police
To: John Boko
Date: April 24, 2006

Dear Sir.

Ref. Case No. #1312212/132

According to our information you have recently had dealings with a person calling himself Derek Trotter and a company called Trotters Fine Arts. Please can you confirm to me that this is the case?

I am afraid to have to report to you that Mr. Trotter is in fact not who he says he is. In fact Mr. Trotter’s real name is David Jason, and he is a known art forger and fraudster who we have been closely watching for nearly seven months. Mr. Jason has been arrested and is currently in our custody along with three of his accomplices.

We are seeking information on Mr. Jason’s recent dealings and also witnesses who can provide detailed facts and dates which may help us in a future criminal prosecution against him and his associates.

According to some of the information we have found on Mr. Jason’s computer, you recently communicated with him and send some pieces of artwork in order to claim a donation payment. I am sorry to say that the story that Mr. Jason gave to you about providing a scholarship and donation scheme are entirely false, and items which were sent to him by artists have been sold on to collectors at vast profits. For instance the first carving that you sent to him (a cat and a dog on a chair) was recently sold to an underground dealer for £32,700. Unfortunately the poor artists who supplied these works are not receiving a single penny for their work. To date Mr. Jason has defrauded over 200 artists, none of which have received any payment whatsoever. As far as we are able to calculate, Mr. Jason has illegally sold artwork to the total value of £1.7 million pounds.

The address that you were given for Trotter’s Fine Arts is in fact that of a post office. Mr. Jason gave artists this address and then he collected the items from the post office using false identification. Trotters Fine Arts does not, and has never existed at any real location.

If you wish to pursue a claim against Mr. Jason then please do get back to me at this address, quoting the case reference number above. I can also pass your details onto the criminal compensations department and possibly have some compensation sent to you.

I am sorry to give you such distressing news however you have my personal assurance that Mr. Jason and his cohorts will suffer the full force of the law.

In good faith.

DCI Roy Slater
UK Met Police

A day goes by. John senses he is being played for a fool, and decided to contact Brian Anthony with a proposition:

From: John Boko
To: Derek Trotter
Date: April 25, 2006
Subject: attn mr derek

Sir,

How are you today? Without doubt you are doing well. I know it will be difficult for you to reply my last messages. It is really nice to know that the game was for fast lane. I’m not in any way against your plight but know that I have known what is involved, why not make it a win, win game.

Even before I got the strange mail from slatter which I send copy to you, the game was clear to me. I know he himself has his own motive which might not be far from gaining his own interest.

I thought of our correspondence and I found that that we can be useful to each other. Now, you are convinced that I can offer the product you need and I’m sure you have the moving market for the product.

Why can’t we forget the donation of a thing and when I work out an art work you will sell and pay me according to price we agreed on. The amount you make out it should not be my concern but what covers my expensse with small coin will be surficient and satisfactory.Think about!

John

DCI Slater did tell John that the Trotters Fine Arts email system had been shut down….

To: John Boko
Date: April 25, 2006

*** AUTOMATED MESSAGE – PLEASE DO NOT REPLY AS YOU WILL NOT RECEIVE A REPLY ***

Dear Sir or Madam.

This is the automated mailserver system for: **deltrotter.co.uk**

Please note that this system is now no longer in use. The account that you are trying to contact has been closed until further notice.

Please do not reply to this automated email because you will not receive a reply.

A copy of your message has been included below.

Thank you……..

Via 419eater

Cookies, you have posed a very interesting question that not many people think about when it comes to personal computer maintenance. The downside to your question is that it has a very complex answer. The way you phrased it tosses a large net over a topic that’s very specific that has many tiny cogs and gears to consider. But, if we were to cast the large net, we would say, yes; downloading files does add weight to your computer. But, if we were to get down to the nitty gritty, we’d discover that different files carry with them different weights that can add to your hard drive’s heft.

Simple files (like anything Microsoft office produces, for example)weigh in at only a couple of grams each; so having a lot of saved .docs and .xls files shouldn’t be too much of a problem, unless of course, you have an old and heavily used hard drive. The real problem comes in to play when you’re downloading larger files, like songs or videos. But, again, we can’t cast a large net here, because it’s the specifics that count.

If you’re downloading entire season of Two And A Half Men, your computer may be as light and airy as a mid-afternoon biscuit, as the files aren’t as weighed down by high caliber writing, non-clichéd premises, and genuine emotion that isn’t be manipulated out of you by a cringe-worthy laugh track. Conversely, just one episode of Breaking Bad can add a pound to a pound-and-a-half of weight due to the show’s high quality drama and intense “Holy Shit!” moments. The point is, the higher the quality of the file, the heavier the computer.

Here’s a handy guide for downloading TV Shows:

Heavy: 30 Rock, Arrested Development, Firefly, Dexter, Battlestar Galactica, Community, Mad Men, Breaking Bad, Buffy The Vampire Slayer, Seinfeld, Spaced.

Light: Everything else.

But the biggest way for your computer to pack on the digital pounds is with pornography. Your average video of a man and a women engaging in raunchy, non-procreation-based copulation can add a something in the neighborhood of 7 or 8 ounces. A video of a woman with a bunch of lawn ornaments all up in her can weigh 12 ounces.

But there, on the far end of the heavy porn spectrum, lies Shiza porn. Shiza porn (aka, people pooping on each other – typically Europeans) is commonly known as one of the most sexually satisfying things to masturbate to dense forms of pornography you can download to your computer, weighing in at an average of 14 ounces per file. If you have a rather robust and pungent collection of shiza porn, then you’re looking at a hard drive that’s being weighed down by upwards of 83 pounds of digital shit.

Carrying around that much shit can add a lot of stress to the lower back and neck; and you’ll quickly discover that the only new friends you’re making are the kind that have swastika tattoos on their lower backs, and a vast and varied collection of Victorian Era anti-Semitic French erotica.

We Hope We’ve Helped!

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It is a great feeling for any Football player to be playing in the finals of a World Cup, unless you are Spain’s Xabi Alonso, who was on the receiving end of this devastating kick from the Netherlands’ Nigel De Jong. It was the type of kick that is capable of breaking ribs and collapsing lungs. Thankfully, it did neither to the Spanish midfielder, who stayed the game.

Reminiscent of Charlie Murphy’s front kick, which sent Rick James soaring several feet through the air? I’d say so!

The following comic book ‘Mickey Mouse and the Medicine Man’ was released by Disney in 1951. In the strip, Mickey and Goofy discover a new medicine called ‘Peppo’ that represents amphetamine (speed). Their enthusiasm for the chemical pick-me-up leads them to become salesman for the product in Africa:

MAY 5–Angered by her common-law husband’s poor performance in bed, a Texas woman yesterday allegedly stabbed her mate with a pair of scissors, leading to her arrest for assault. Michelle Thomas, 26, apparently became enraged when the victim failed to satisfy her sexually, according to a court affidavit sworn by a Hudson Police Department officer. The man told cops that the 28-year-old man had “become angry with him over a sexual encounter that she was not satisfied with,” and “began to slash at him with the scissors.” The man, who refused to press charges, suffered superficial cuts to his chest, leg, and hand. Thomas was arrested for aggravated assault, a felony, and booked into the Angelina County jail, where she posed for the below mug shot

Via TheSmokingGun

If you thought you’d previously seen it all, well, you’re wrong. Case in point: David Morales Colón, a 22-year-old Puerto Rican man who was shot to death last Thursday, and whose wake is now making headlines here in the United States mainland. How come? Well, suffice it to say that the funeral directors at Marin Funeral Home in San Juan’s Hato Rey neighborhood have a flair for the unorthodox. For example, in 2008, they embalmed another young shooting victim and displayed his body standing up for the duration of a multi-day wake.

Back to the present: Yesterday and today, callers who stopped to pay their final respects to the late Mr. Colón got a bit of a surprise. Instead of the traditional presentation of the body in a casket, Mr. Colón’s corpse, dressed in casual duds and sunglasses, was instead posed in a very lifelike position atop his Repsol-liveried Honda CBR600 F4. According to Puerto Rico’s Primera Hora newspaper, the motorcycle was given to the victim by his uncle, and upon Mr. Colón’s untimely demise, family members delivered the bike to the funeral home specifically for this unusual wake.

Lest you think this is some sort of insane hoax, here’s the link to the local Primera Hora newspaper coverage, which features a multi-shot photo gallery, and here’s the less detailed Associated Press wire version that’s presently making the rounds. Finally, we’ve got a video posted after the jump. We’ll say this: David Morales Colón rides into the afterlife in memorable style

Via autoblog.com

If you’re a single girl like me and have heard that saying more then once, from you’re coupled up friends, then you will know what I mean. To me that translation means “HA HA HA I have a man and you know you want what I got!” Ermmm, pardon I don’t think so mate. You were only single 2 days ago!

Now don’t get me wrong, I see nothing wrong with my friends being in relationships. But I do have a problem when all of a sudden they are now Match.com! It’s like when your friend gets a boyfriend; she has now decided her mission is life is to set you up with every single guy she knows. Once she has left the single life you are now considered a desperate woman who needs to find her mate. *rolls eyes*

I remember one conversation I had with a friend after she found a boyfriend. Majority of her talking consisted on how great her man was. Apparently he made the cutest of noises when he slept; I had to be there to understand. (I don’t think she would have appreciated me turning up and jumping in their bed waiting for “that noise”. Considering I sleep naked that would have been an awkward moment!)
When she had rambled on for a good 30mins talking about how he was “The One“, something must have clicked in her head that I haven’t actually spoken yet. Except for the um’s, and aww’s that where programmed in my brain to activate. (You see I was beginning to zone out and was wondering what’s for dinner) Eventually after taking a breath she asks those dreaded words “Are you seeing anyone nice?”

I bloody hate that sentence, first of all are you assuming that I wouldn’t be seeing someone nice. All of a sudden have all my past conquest been ugly. DPMO!!

Now with girls in relationships, if you tell them yes they jump up and down for joy like Gucci posted them a bag! But if you tell them no, they look at you like you slept with their man. So now I had to think, do I let her continue on about her man or do I just talk about the recent date I had with Adrian. I chose the latter as I was sure she would have started telling me the baby names she had picked out!

So I started off with how I had recently gone on this date with a guy who I had been talking too but I don’t think it will go anywhere. That’s when she looked at me with such disgust! “What do you mean, give him a go, you never know were it will end up. Just look how happy I am!” Hold up is my friend encouraging me to keep seeing a guy who bores me to death and I would rather watch paint dry! If she was still single she would have told me to dump him as there are plenty of more fish in the sea. Now all of sudden I’m suppose to “Give it a go”.
Then I get told “Denica you’re always meeting these guys, you’re getting older and need to settle down!” Pardon, I’m 24 years old not reaching for my pension. Why have I got to settle down because you have?

Now before any girls in relationships start cussing and say “I just want my friend to be happy!” Let me ask you a question, what makes you think that she isn’t? *Bueller…….Bueller….* Most of the girls I know with a man end up complaining half of the time that their man is pissing them off! One girl told me that their man was always doing dumb things. My answer was to stop going out with a dip shit. (Side note, we are no longer friends. I Wonder why *shrugs shoulders*) So when your complaining, is it a wonder that us single girls would rather stay single. I have learnt not to comment on friends relationship as 1) They don’t listen anyways and 2) If I say why do you stay the Jeremy Kyle statement “But I love him” would be uttered.

One time I got told that single girls don’t understand girls in relationships as we are selfish and only have time for us! Well your damn right I am selfish and I enjoy being selfish. I say good on you ladies who have found their very own Leon, but im going to pass on your pearls of wisdom. Somehow wearing what I want, going where I like and not worrying what the other half is doing. Beats taking a trip to Ikea to pick out that Blue sofa that matches the walls.
*Yawn*
I have to go Drink now and “Hang in there!”

written by Denica

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